Why Other Children are Rejecting Your Child

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Introduction

Developing
healthy peer relationships is critical for the normal development of a
child. Peer relationships have been found to be an important predictor
of positive adult adjustment and behavior. Difficulty in finding
friends leads to feelings of low self-esteem and these feelings usually
continue into adulthood.

Children with poor social
skills are at risk for delinquency, academic underachievement, and
school drop out. Even though the inattentiveness, impulsiveness, and
restlessness frequently persist into adult life, these problems are of
less importance as the child gets older. Rather, the main difficulty
ADHD patients encounter as they reach maturity is their inability to
interact appropriately with others.

ADHD children often
lack the social skills that are essential to success in life. These
children can be socially inept, and their lack of interpersonal skills
may cause them a multitude of difficulties. In addition, positive
relationships with friends in childhood provide a critical buffer
against stress and help to protect against psychological and
psychiatric problems. ADHD children lack these positive interactions
and thus are at risk for a number of emotional problems.

Probably
60% of ADHD children suffer from peer rejection. ADHD children are less
often chosen by peers to be best friends, partners in activities, or
seatmates. As the children grow older, their social problems seem to
get worse. Their inappropriate behavior leads to further social
rejection and exacerbates their inability to relate to others
appropriately. Long term these children are more likely to have
difficulty finding and maintaining successful careers. This is not
surprising since social aptitude can make or break careers and
relationships in the adult world.

Causes of Poor Peer Relationships

ADHD
children are frequently disliked or neglected by their peers. It is
difficult to determine all the factors that make a child unpopular, but
children who frequently display aggressive or negative behavior tend to
be rejected by their peers.

Impulsivity and Aggression

ADHD
children tend to be more impulsive and aggressive than other children.
Teachers observe that the social interactions of ADHD children more
often involve fighting and interrupting others. These children are more
intense than others and behave inappropriately in social contexts. For
example, ADHD children are more likely to yell, run around and talk at
unsuitable times. They also tend to want to dominate play, engage in
off task behaviors and engage more in teasing and physical jostling of
peers. This sets up a process of peer rejection.

Academic Problems

ADHD
children often do not do well in school. Poor school performance by
itself does not result in social rejection. However, the way the child
responds to his academic difficulties can contribute to inappropriate
social behavior. Children who cannot engage themselves with classroom
work assignments often disrupt and irritate their peers.

Inattention

ADHD
children have difficulty with sustained attention. Deficit in attention
seems to be related to peer rejection independently of the aggressive,
impulsive, and hyperactive behaviors of ADHD children. These children
become bored more easily than other children. As a result, they are
more likely to become disruptive in the classroom.

ADHD
children have difficulty in modulating their behavior and changing
their conduct as the situation demands. They have apparent
social-cognitive deficits that limit their ability to encode and recall
rules of social cues. Children with ADHD pay less attention to others
verbally in games and other activities.

Many ADHD
children are aware that they are socially inept. Children who are
anxious or fearful about peer relations are unlikely to behave in an
effective manner. These children withdraw from peer interactions and,
in this way, limit their ability to gain acceptance and friendship.

Children
are rejected by peers when they appear to be different. Similarity
fosters social acceptance. Because ADHD children do not learn social
clues as well as other children, they tend to be viewed as strange.

Bad Behavior

One
of the keys to your child’s social success is proper behavior. If your
ADHD or ODD child frequently misbehaves, it is your obligation as a
parent to teach your child how to improve his behavior.

If
your child is aggressive or defiant, if he does not accept the
authority of adults, or if he conducts himself in a such a way that
children his age will view him as a behavior problem, then your child
will have a difficult time making and maintaining friendships. The
friends he will attract are other aggressive problem children, the type
of child with whom which you would rather your child not associate.

All
children need friends. Behavior problem children have trouble making
friends with others, so these children tend to congregate together.
They reinforce each other’s bad behavior. If you are an aware parent
and you have control of your child you can put a stop to friendships
with these children. However, you must have control of your child’s
behavior in order to help him to avoid the trap of bad friends.

Conclusion

Helping
children with ADHD build close peer relationships is an important goal
to focus on, and is one that often may be over looked. You, as a
parent, have the ability to help your child accomplish this important
social goal. You should make every effort to help your child in this
area. His psychological health and his happiness, both now and in the
future, are very much dependent upon how successful he is at making and
maintaining childhood friendships.

Anthony Kane, MD

ADD ADHD Advances

http://addadhdadvances.com

About the Author

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician, an international lecturer, and director of special education. He is the author of a book, numerous articles, and a number of online programs dealing with ADHD (addadhdadvances.com/childyoulove.html) treatment, ODD, parenting issues (addadhdadvances.com/betterbehavior.html), and education. You may visit his website at http://addadhdadvances.com. To sign up for the free ADD ADHD Advances online journal send a blank email to: subscribe@addadhdadvances.com?subject=subscribeartcity

akane@addadhdadvances.com

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